Encounter

Have you ever had and encounter with God?

 I mean and honest, open, and unexpected one that left you feeling in awe or just amazed that he came into your space and touched you? It can be a life changing experience, making  your whole life shift and make you feel like there is more to life than we imagined.

Recently as I was praying and seeking a word from the Lord I started to weep and was wondering what was going on with me, I was going through trying times but had not felt the need to cry and weep. I felt so broken and exposed and could not figure out what was going on in my own logical thoughts or capacity. I soon came to realize that I was having and encounter with the Holy Spirit and he was showing me the love of God through his presence, what makes this so significant for me was because I had not cried or wept for over four years. I had been through extremely challenging times and just felt numb inside, writing was even a challenge for me, and it was my solace and way to decompress.

Reaching into a place of complete vulnerability can be challenging on a good day, this day was no exception, I had been in the hospital with my son for several days and all the tests kept showing nothing was wrong while he continued to have seizures over and over for hours. This was a situation that could stretch anyone’s faith and I was very weary and beyond overwhelmed with the circumstances going on and nothing was showing up, I wanted to scream and just lose it.

We were in the hospital for over ten days between visits and yet the answers still did not come, no issues with the brain, no issues with the heart, no issues with his nervous system but still the seizures came each day or night, it felt like an ongoing taunt that would not go away. Multiple visits from specialist, hospitalist, doctors, and no one could give me the answers we had been seeking. Then God showed up on the scene and reminded me that he was the great physician and to seek him with all my heart, as I sat there, something rose inside of me and that is when I began to weep so bitterly and felt like I was travailing it was so strong.

No parent ever wants to see their child be in pain or stressed out under any circumstances, its like what else can I do to make this situation better and you realize that nothing would change it. It was a bitter pill to swallow that I had to wait on what he would do, yes, I said would do and not could do because He can do the impossible and we all would be amazed at what was done. He reminded me of the passage

“I know that whatsoever God doeth, it shall be forever: nothing can be put to it, nor anything taken from it; and God hath done it, that men should fear before him.” Ecclesiastes 3:14(ASV) Also, “Ah Lord Jehovah! behold, thou hast made the heavens and the earth by thy great power and by thine outstretched arm; there is nothing too hard for thee?” Jeremiah 32:17(ASV)

In each of these verses He reminded me of his promises to keep me and my son even in this hard season that was so overwhelming for me. We continued to seek help from the specialist, and they finally just advised us to seek therapy because it could have been something else causing the seizures. Not going to lie at first, I was a little irritated, I mean who would not be after so much time and I did not even want to process on the cost of the stays themselves. We went that route and spoke about what led up to the seizures, and what impacts my son getting a concussion had sparked off like a powder keg. Spending weeks in therapy with him helped me to start looking at things in a different light and began to make changes here at home to improve and release stress in different ways.

Can you believe it, it was hard for me to grasp for a while, but I was able to go back to that encounter I had with God as the spark that helped everything else fall into place for me. Moving into two months post concussion is when things finally started to change and settle down, we had removed some things and changed up some responses, finally a resolution!

Process is a hard path to follow, when we live in an instant access age as we do wait on answers can be frustrating. The other side to this is that Gods timing is not ours either and can press those hard buttons inside of us that want to buck against the process as well. I am reminded of that verse that says,

“I wait for the Lord; I wait and put my hope in his word” Psalms 130:5 (CSB).

Boy that one was so hard to do! Yet here we are now three months later and not a seizure in sight, no fainting and little brain fog to speak of, was the process worth it? Maybe, if we are honest with ourselves no one wants to go through any challenges but there is healing in the process.